Joke of the day :-)

[colincd]

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair.
While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey.
I love you.

"To which the wife responds",
"He was not kissing my neck".
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

[colincd]

Feel free to print these off and send them out

[Draig]

made me smile!

[Draig]

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until, one day,
he comes across a beautiful Honda Gold Wing with a for sale sign on it.
The bike seems even more beautiful than a new one, although it is 10 years
old.
It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great
condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is
outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family
before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first
person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says.
And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room
is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of
dishes. Piled up on the stairs, In the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty
dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner
progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans
over
and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table,
and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her
mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with
her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total
silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his motorcycle, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts:
"All right, enough already, I'll do the f***ing dishes!"

[Cmar]

Doing the dishes........... Brilliant

[colincd]

Can't stop laughing