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Gay test!
Just got this on email, sorry to any genuine homosexuals.
EDIT: no I'm not, wierdos!
Nothing about gas bar-b-ques though, phew!
Here is the ultimate test to see if you are GAY.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get
your ***** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be
framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or ***** in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. A man can crap
in a port-o-potty 3-weeks past due on its cleaning date. If you plan
your day around when and where you're going to defecate, you're as gay
as a handbag full of unicorns.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy
Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too, pole-smoker.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
different types of dessert, other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well be handing out free ***** passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
a slow-***** driver or to cut the ***** off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely
on the verge of being a fudgepacker.
EDIT: no I'm not, wierdos!
Nothing about gas bar-b-ques though, phew!
Here is the ultimate test to see if you are GAY.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get
your ***** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be
framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or ***** in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. A man can crap
in a port-o-potty 3-weeks past due on its cleaning date. If you plan
your day around when and where you're going to defecate, you're as gay
as a handbag full of unicorns.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy
Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too, pole-smoker.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
different types of dessert, other than ice cream and pie, you might as
well be handing out free ***** passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
a slow-***** driver or to cut the ***** off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely
on the verge of being a fudgepacker.
always knew i was gay.
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