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Men's Code - ladies, steer clear
1. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car,
you may not join him.
2. Under no circumstances may two guys share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow attendees.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend,
mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog
walker, you need not - and should not - provide any useful
information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted
to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50
percent without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within
earshot is allowed to call out, "********!" (Exception: When
trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
to 400 percent).
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits...forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another
guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are
required to wait 10 minutes for every increment of hotness she
scores on the classic "1-to-10" Babe Scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. You may,however,gripe if the
temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is
strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that
your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should
you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex
with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at
your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission. He, in return, is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
regarded as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the
game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a guy's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or even like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event,
you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you
may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead
only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to
prepare the excuse about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick-drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by
a topless supermodel...and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
fight, you must jump into the fight. (Exception: If within the
last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this
guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'," then you may sit back and
enjoy).
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass! Are you a
Sagittarius?
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
referring to his beer choice.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy,
except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on
equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line.
In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. unless there is no other space, always leave at least 1 urinal between you and the next guy
29. no looking - stare straight down or ahead ! (unless you're George Michael)
1. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car,
you may not join him.
2. Under no circumstances may two guys share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow attendees.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend,
mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog
walker, you need not - and should not - provide any useful
information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted
to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50
percent without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within
earshot is allowed to call out, "********!" (Exception: When
trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
to 400 percent).
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits...forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another
guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are
required to wait 10 minutes for every increment of hotness she
scores on the classic "1-to-10" Babe Scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. You may,however,gripe if the
temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is
strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that
your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should
you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex
with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at
your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission. He, in return, is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
regarded as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the
game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a guy's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or even like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event,
you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you
may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead
only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to
prepare the excuse about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick-drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by
a topless supermodel...and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
fight, you must jump into the fight. (Exception: If within the
last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this
guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'," then you may sit back and
enjoy).
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass! Are you a
Sagittarius?
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
referring to his beer choice.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy,
except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on
equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line.
In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. unless there is no other space, always leave at least 1 urinal between you and the next guy
29. no looking - stare straight down or ahead ! (unless you're George Michael)